Graysexual individual shares the moment they recognized their gray identity.
Most adults are seen as allosexual, which means they feel sexual attraction towards others, whether it’s straight, gay, bi, pan, or any other orientation.
On the flip side, around 1% of the population identifies as asexual, meaning they don’t feel any sexual attraction or desire whatsoever.
But human sexuality isn’t just black and white. In between these two extremes is graysexuality; a term for those who only feel sexual attraction occasionally, in specific situations, or not intensely enough to take action.
Graysexuality is part of the larger asexual spectrum, which also includes asexuality and demisexuality. (Last year, N-Dubz singer Tulisa came out as demisexual, explaining that she needs a strong emotional connection before feeling any attraction.)
Since this concept is still often misunderstood, many graysexual individuals report experiencing stigma or confusion regarding their feelings. Nevertheless, online communities, like the growing r/greysexuality subreddit, have become spaces to share experiences and connect with others.
Recently, a Reddit user prompted others to discuss when they first realized they were graysexual. Many shared that their “lightbulb moment” occurred during their teenage years, but it took them a long time to fully grasp it.
“I had crushes, but they were really rare, like decades apart,” the original poster shared. “I’ve only felt genuine sexual attraction maybe once in my life. When I see someone good-looking, I don’t think, ‘I’d hit that,’ I just want to be close to them. When my first boyfriend tried to touch me in a sexual way, I hated it. I told him to never do that again.”
Others shared similar feelings of being disconnected from their peers’ discussions about sex. “I was always mocked and pressured into doing things I didn’t want to do,” one person remembered. “I learned about asexuality through YouTube, read more about other people’s experiences, and eventually discovered graysexuality. That label just felt right.”
For some, the realization hit while they were dating: “I thought being attracted to someone meant thinking they were ‘kind of likable,’” another user said. “When it came to touching and kissing, I hated it.”
Others talked about their changing levels of interest: “I had so little interest in sex that I thought I was fully asexual for a while,” one person revealed. “But maybe once every couple of months, something would click, and only then would I want sex or even think about it. I like the ambiguity of calling myself gray. It’s a broad way to describe something so strange and specific.”
For many, discovering the term was a relief, not because it confined them, but because it provided words for a part of their identity they had struggled to articulate for years.